There's no right timetable
Some people are ready within months. For others it takes years.
How long your marriage lasted, how it ended and what else is going on in your life all play a part. Friends may tell you it's too soon, or that it's time you got back out there. The only opinion that really counts is yours.
Signs you might be ready
You don't need to tick every box, but most people recognise a few of these.
- You're curious rather than desperate. You'd enjoy meeting someone new, but you don't need a partner to feel okay.
- Your ex isn't the main topic. You can talk about other things without the conversation drifting back to the divorce.
- You're not looking for a replacement. You want to meet someone for who they are, not to fill the space your ex left.
- The practical side is settling. Where you live, money and, if you have children, the arrangements for them are sorted or on their way.
- You can picture enjoying it. A first date feels a little nerve-wracking, but mostly exciting.
Signs it might be worth waiting a little longer
None of these mean never. They just mean not quite yet.
- You want to date mainly to make your ex jealous, or to prove a point.
- You're still very angry, or you find yourself comparing everyone to your ex.
- You're hoping a new relationship will fix how you feel.
- The divorce is still going on and taking up most of your energy.
Feeling unsure is normal. Plenty of people start by chatting online with no pressure to meet, which is a gentle way to find out how you feel.
Easing yourself back in
You don't have to go from nothing to dinner dates overnight.
- Start with conversation. Chat online for a while before you meet anyone. There's no rush.
- Be clear with yourself about what you want. Something serious, something casual or just some company? It's fine if the answer changes.
- Keep first dates short. A coffee or a walk is easier than a long evening, and easy to leave if it isn't right.
- Lean on your friends. Tell someone you trust when you're meeting someone new, and talk it through afterwards.
Before you meet anyone, it's worth reading up on staying safe. Our guide is online dating safe? covers the basics.
Why The Divorced Pond
The Divorced Pond is for people dating after divorce or separation, so there's no need to worry about how your history will come across. You can be upfront from the start, and meet people who understand where you're coming from. When you feel ready, read rebuilding your confidence after divorce too.