It's normal to feel knocked back
Even a divorce you wanted can leave you doubting yourself.
You may have been part of a couple for a long time, and getting used to being on your own takes a while. You might wonder whether anyone will be interested, or whether you still know how dating works. Those feelings are common, and they do pass.
Start with yourself, not dating
Confidence usually comes back through the rest of your life first.
- Do things you enjoy. Pick up an old hobby or try something new. It's good for you, and it gives you plenty to talk about.
- See your friends. Time with people who know and like you is a reminder of who you are.
- Look after yourself. Sleep, food, fresh air and exercise all make a difference to how you feel.
- Notice your progress. Every small thing you've handled on your own since the divorce counts.
Be kind about the past
A marriage ending doesn't make you a failure.
It's worth thinking about what you've learned, what you'd do differently and what you want next time. But try not to dwell on blame, whether it's aimed at yourself or your ex. If you find you're stuck, talking to a counsellor can help.
Dating when you're out of practice
You don't have to be a natural. You just have to be yourself.
- Choose photos you like. Recent, clear and smiling. Ask a friend to help you pick if you're unsure.
- Write your profile honestly. Mention that you're divorced if you like, keep it positive, and talk about the life you have now.
- Take the pressure off. A first date is just a chance to see whether you'd like a second. Nothing more.
- Don't take silence personally. Not everyone will reply, and that happens to everyone, not just you.
Leave your ex out of early conversations. It's fine to say you're divorced, but save the details for when you know someone better. It keeps the focus on the two of you.
Small wins add up
Your first message, your first date, your first good conversation in years: each one makes the next a little easier. Go at your own pace, notice the small steps, and remember that many of the people you'll meet on The Divorced Pond are finding their feet too. If you're still deciding whether to start, read dating after divorce: how to know you're ready.