Your children may still be adjusting
For them, the divorce can feel recent long after it's settled for you.
Children sometimes hope their parents will get back together, worry about being pushed aside, or feel that liking someone new would be disloyal to their other parent. None of this means you shouldn't date. It just means taking it gently, and keeping dating and family life separate at first.
- Reassure them often. Whatever happens in your love life, your love for them doesn't change.
- Don't ask them to keep secrets from their other parent.
- Let them have mixed feelings. Sadness, anger or worry about you dating are all normal.
Making the most of your free time
Many divorced parents date when the children are with their other parent.
It's a natural way to keep the two parts of your life separate. Plan dates for the evenings or weekends you're child-free, and keep the time you have with your children for them. If your arrangements change at short notice, the right person will understand.
Explaining your set-up to someone new
A short, matter-of-fact explanation is all a new date needs.
Something like "I have the kids every other weekend and on Wednesdays, so I'm free most other evenings" is clear and honest. It helps them understand your diary without getting into the details of your divorce. Our guide on how and when to talk about your divorce has more on what to share and when.
Your ex and your new relationship
You don't need your ex's approval, but a little thought keeps things calmer for the children.
- Keep it private while it's new. There's no need to share the details of early dates.
- Tell them before the children meet anyone. It's better for everyone if they hear it from you.
- Keep handovers about the children. Leave a new partner out of drop-offs and pick-ups until things are settled.
- If your ex starts dating too, try to respond the way you'd hope they'd respond to you.
Keep your children's details private while you're getting to know someone online. Their names, school and photos can wait until you know a person well. Be wary of anyone who seems more interested in your children than in you, and read romance scams after a break-up for other warning signs.
When it gets serious
Introducing a new partner to your children is a big step, and there's no need to rush it. Our sister site, The Single Parent Pond, has detailed guides on when to introduce a new partner to your children and what to expect from a blended family. If you'd like to meet other single parents, The Single Parent Pond is there too.
You deserve happiness too
Looking after your children and looking for love aren't opposites. Taking your time, keeping them at the heart of your decisions and choosing someone who respects your family is good for everyone, including you.